(spoken:)
A preachment, dear friends, you're about to receive,
on John Barleycorn, nicotine, and the temptations of Eve...

(sung:)
I once was happy and I had a good life
I had enough money to last me for life
I met with a gal and we went on a spree
She taught me to smoke and to drink whiskey.

Cigarettes and whiskey and wild wild women
They'll drive you crazy they'll drive you insane.
Cigarettes and whiskey and wild wild women
They'll drive you crazy they'll drive you insane.

Cigarettes is a blot on the whole human race.
A man is a monkey with one in his face.
That's my definition, believe me dear brother,
A fire on one end and a fool on the t'other.

Cigarettes and whiskey and wild wild women
They'll drive you crazy they'll drive you insane.
Cigarettes and whiskey and wild wild women
They'll drive you crazy they'll drive you insane.

Write on the cross at the head of my grave
To women and whiskey here lies a poor slave
Take warning dear stranger, take warning dear friend.
They'll write in big letters these words at my end.

Cigarettes and whiskey and wild wild women
They'll drive you crazy they'll drive you insane.
Cigarettes and whiskey and wild wild women
They'll drive you crazy they'll drive you insane.
They'll drive you crazy they'll drive you insane.
Hallelujah brother.