Hello Johnson your mother once gave me a lift back from school - That's no reason to get so excited I'd been playing football with the youngsters, Johnson says don't dramatise - And you can't even spell salacious In a caravette with such a pretty widow, but wheels aren't there to be looked at. - And it's cheap to say that she's delicious When she's someone's daughter Horse chimes so stupid and so mean On the offensive all wolf whistle and jeans Horse chimes they neigh they never bell All straw and piss they never kiss but tell Horse chimes - Coarse times are here And don't I know it, and I'm ashamed And you won't say it, that we're to blame And I must change There is a saying tailormade for her she is the apple of your eye - Lord don't smother her in soapy feelings You buy a pedestal only to rest it in a wheelchair - Beauty can't be beauty 'till it's dying And I think I'll die unless I kiss you, please don't murder me - Hark I hear the ghost of feeling leaving - And you know what pushed her Horse chimes so stupid and so mean On the offensive all wolf whistle and jeans Horse chimes they neigh they never bell All straw and piss they never kiss but tell Horse chimes - Coarse times are here And don't I know it, and I'm ashamed And you won't say it, that we're to blame And I must change