Bobby Brady's dealing crack Marsha's on the pill Mike's in bed with Alice And Sam sell dog-chops at his meat shop Greg is trying on garter belts And Peter spent 3 nights in jail Murder in the Brady house Because Jan Brady couldn't stand it Murder in the Brady house Things were just too great Murder in the Brady house Someone had to break Cindy called Jan a stinker For playing ball inside the house She tattlelated while Alice kissed The postman on the mouth Blood is on the TV screen And guts are on the stairs Murder in the Brady house and no one even cares Murder murder murder murder murder murder