Sandpaper Man, Part 3

Announcer:
We now join our hero sandpaper man flying high in the sky 
over a small town, hoping to see nothing but peace...

Sandpaper man: ahhh, what a great day! the clean air 
provided by the nuclear energy plants! the noise polution 
of the traffic! things couldn't be better! i swear 
i....what!? what is this!? jumping jesus on a pogostick! 
look down there! it looks like those homophobic frat boys 
are giving that gay lad a hard time. this looks like a job 
for......sandpaper man!

Frat boy: hey you freakin faggot, you wanna pick me up? 
hahahah!

Gay lad: actually, that's what i have in mind you silly 
goose!

Frat boy: what the hell? shutup faggot! i'm not a faggot 
you faggoty-assed faggot! get the hell away from me!

Gay lad: but yer so big and strong you big football-playing
 strongman you!

Frat boy: oh, so you wanna learn how to play football huh?

Gay lad: if it's with you, oh yes!

Frat boy: well here's your first lesson...learn how to take
 a hit!

Gay lad: (punching sounds in background) ow ow! stop! ow! 
stop that! ow! no! help me!

Sandpaper man: what the hell is going on here!? there will 
be no fighting!

Gay lad: mmmmm, i like your outfit, but the red cape 
clashes with the big letter on your chest. i could touch 
that up a bit for you, if you like.

Sandpaper man: thank you, i might take you up on that 
sometime!

Frat boy: what the hell!? why are you wearing that stupid 
faggoty-assed outfit? are you a faggot too? i knew it, i'm 
surrounded by faggots!

Sandpaper man: what your mouth young man or i'll have to 
sand it down for you!

Frat boy: oh yeah? well why don't you try and make me you 
faggot!

Sandpaper man: i'm no faggot, for i am.....sandpaper man!

Frat boy: (sanding sounds) hey stop that!!! (voice is now 
muffled) mmmm!!! mmmmm!! mmmmm!....

Sandpaper man: ha ha! there now! you won't be blabbing 
anymore! go back to your fraternity and let them know that 
they face the same wrath as you did if they wish to harm 
good citizens like our gay lad friend here! ha ha ha!

Gay lad: tee hee hee! that was marvelous! and sandpaper 
man, what do you say we go get some food together?

Sandpaper man: a date? hah hah. no, i'm not a homosexual my
 friend. but i do uphold your right to be a homosexual! so 
go and play and remember.... wherever there is trouble, i 
will be there to help. if you need anything, just give a 
whistle and a toot and sandpaper man will be there!

Announcer: and so exit our hero once again, awaiting the 
next pathetic injustice that any fool dares to attempt. 
stay tuned for the next exciting episode of.......

Sandpaper man and announcer: sandpaper man!!!!