He said he'd be here at seven
The clock just hit 7:22
It's too cold outside
To wait for my ride
Watching mamma try out a new doo (Bruins)

He said he'd be here at seven
But it just hit 7:35 (already?)
Here in Brockton, Mass.,
I got my thumb in my ass
Mamma's combing up a big beehive (Celtics)

Where the fuck is he?
Where the fuck is he?

The bitch doesn't even bother calling
Even though it's 7:44 (I fell asleep, pally)
I'm feeling kinda antsy
Mamma's getting fancy
Slicking back a wet pompadour (Red Sox)

He said he'd be here at seven
It's closing in on 8:01 (Trimmin' the 'stache, kid)
Me lookin' like a sap
In a wool knit cap
Mamma's next move is a bun (fuckin' Patriots)

Where the fuck is he? (My pants are still in the dryer, dude)
Where the fuck is he? (I couldn't find my fuckin' snowboots, pal)
I wish I had a car (Huge, huge hangover)
Oh, no (Massive hailstorm, massive hailstorm, massive)

That stupid little punk
He's probably fuckin' drunk
I bet he drank a case
Wanna pop him in the face right now
Mamma's eyebrow

Wicked good
Wicked good (Oh, God)
Wicked good
Wicked good (Fuck yeah)
Wicked good
Wicked good (Pisser?)

Well my friend is still a no-show
And I'm getting fucking pissed (Why?)
Cause I could've gone with Charlie
In the side of his Harley
Mamma's on the phone with a stylist (Fuck Charlie!)
So I guess I ain't going out tonight
Cause the digits say 12:09 (Shit-faced)
But call the operator
Cause one perm later
Mamma's hair sure do look fine (Heffenreffer!)

Where the fuck is he? (Ah, ha ha! My stepfather was tellin' me a wicked funny joke!)
Where the fuck is he? (Ah, ha ha! I forgot it though)
I wish I had a car
I wish I had a car (A cop pulled me over, buddy)
I wish I went with Charlie (5.2 blood level, state record)
I could have gone with Charlie (I'm in a wicked mess of trouble, ha ha!)

He gotta dee wee
He gotta dee wee
He gotta dee wee
He got a D.W.I.
(Up the river)
(Up the river)
(Up the river)
(Up the river)
(Up the river)
(Up the river)
(Up the river)
(Up the river)
(Up the river)