The table's set ant the turkey's out Christmas is here, let out a shout The family's gathered all about Christmas, Christmas is here! Everyone is wearing big smiles They all try to act nice for a while Then George calls his in-laws vile Christmas, Christmas is here! Always at one time of the year When everyone's problems disappear And everyone smiles from ear to ear Christmas, Christmas is here! George has been drinking a lot He just can't keep out of the sauce He says his wife's been screwing her boss Christmas, Christmas is here! Margaret throws her food in his face People are hungry, it's really a waste Then she screams, "How does that taste?" Christmas, Christmas is here! Always at one time of the year When everyone's problems disappear And everyone smiles from ear to ear Christmas, Christmas is here! George picks up the carving knife Weilds it around and starts to slice Henry cocks his shotgun twice Christmas, Christmas is here! Henry says, "Hey, what's the deal? Just sit down and finish your meal Or I'll pump you full of steel!" Christmas, Christmas is here! Always at one time of the year When everyone's problems disappear And everyone smiles from ear to ear Christmas, Christmas is here! Police arrive just after eight Responding to a noise complaint Open the door, what a grisly fate Christmas, Christmas is here! Fa la la and deck the halls Blood was spattered on the walls Merry Christmas, one and all! Christmas, Christmas is here! Always at one time of the year When everyone's problems disappear And everyone smiles from ear to ear Christmas, Christmas is here! Always at one time of the year When everyone's problems disappear And everyone smiles from ear to ear Christmas, Christmas is here!