Spider: What was the AGM about then? Den: It was... the AGM of Bad News was about, what are we gonna call the album? So, I declare this meeting open, and er... Colin is taking the minutes... Vim: Can I say a few words first? Colin: Well... Den: No. The meeting is now open. Colin: Yes, we have to start the meeting like we do all the meetings. Vim: Alright. Den: I am the chairman. Colin: Den, as always, is the chairman. I'm taking minutes. Den: I am the chairman, you are taking minutes. Do we have all the members of Bad News present? Colin: I shall ask for a head count. Spider: Present. Present! Colin: We have to do this properly like we always do... Vim: There's four heads. Colin: I have to do the head count like we always do at the meeting. Vim: There's ALWAYS four heads. Colin: Please! Please. Vim: Alright. Colin: If we want to decide on a title for the album... Den: My forehead's above my eyebrows. Colin: If we're going to decide on a title for the album then we must do it as a band, as a democracy. I'll do the head count. Den Dennis, are you present? Den: Yes, I am present. Colin: Spider Webb, are you present? Spider: Present, Sir! Colin: Colin Grigson, are you present? Yes, I am present. Alan? Vim: Yeah? Colin: Are you here? Vim: (laughs) Yeah, course I'm fuckin' here! Colin: Alright then, well, look at me when I ask you. Vim: Huh! Colin: Vim Fuego, are you present? Vim: Vim Fuego is here. All kneel and praise him. Colin: All are... please! All are present, Mr Chairman. Den: I now declare this AGM open, and... who is going to speak first? Vim: Why do we have AGMs every fuckin' week? It's supposed to be annual, isn't it? Colin: (sighs) Den: I thought it was every day. Colin: Well, it's turning out to be every day, because you've got... Vim: (breaks wind) Oh, sorry. Den: Hang on, hang on, it says here in the constitution, no farting at an AGM! Colin: Open the window! Where's the window? Den: There isn't a window, we're in a windowless void. Vim: Oh God! Right, can I say a few words now? Colin: To propose the motion of the title of the album, I call upon Vim Fuego. Vim: I'd like to say... Colin: Mr Fuego, what is your, er, thing? Vim: I'd like to say that I think we're doing very, very well on this album. I think everyone's playing has become immeasurably better. I don't think I've ever played with a better bass player, I think he's really got the... thing, you know... Den: What? Vim: I think Spider's drumming is immaculate... (Murmurs of agreement.) Vim: ...and even Den is surpassing, you know... even Richie Blackmore's standards... and I think we should call the album "Vim Fuego". (Pause.) Den: Yeah... Colin: Hmmm. Well, Dennis had a much better idea for the album title, didn't you? Den: Yeah, what happened to "Satan Ate My Knob"? Colin: Well, EMI said that we couldn't say it, it was... it was obscene and anti-Christian. Spider: And also, there was, erm... Vim: They're bloody picky, aren't they? Spider: But you've got a problem with the Trade Descriptions Act, you see, 'cause he didn't. Colin: Yes, there's that as well, yes. Den: Oh, that's a point, yeah. Vim: Yeah. They're not to know that, though. Colin: You could say, er... Den: "Satan Would Like To Eat My Knob." Colin: Ah, but even then, you can't prove it. Vim: Either... someone might see Satan one day and he might have thought that one day he'd eat our knobs. Colin: You could say "In my opinion... Satan might..." Spider: Could be... could be seen to be eating your knob. Colin: Could be in a mood... Den: Well, not "seen to be"... Colin: Could be seen to... Den: ...'cause, I mean, you know, what if he doesn't? Then no-one's ever seen him do it. Colin: Mmm, mmm... "In My Imagination I Have Sometimes Thought About Satan Eating My Knob." Perhaps we could call the album that. Vim: Why couldn't we have "Satan Ate My Head", and then... Colin: Because he hasn't! We've been through all this! Den: Trades description fuck-up. Colin: I mean, cool out. Cool out. Den: What about "Paranoid Greatest Hits"? Vim: (laughs) That's a real one though, isn't it? Den: No. Vim: No, it's Sabbath. Den: No, it's not the Sabs. Vim: Purps? Den: It's not the Sabs. Vim: Well, what are good titles that other bands have had, then? (Pause.) Colin: ..."Slippery When Wet"? Den: Er... Vim: "Slippery When Wet" is quite good. Den: (opens door) I'm just going for a piss. Colin: Not bad. Vim: That's not bad! Colin: Not bad. Den: Right. I now declare this meeting closed. Colin: Good. Any other business? Den: Well, if we can't play, 'cause there's no instruments and Brian's away doing an album with Lulu... Spider: No, Anita... Anita... Colin: Anita Harris. Spider: ...Harris. Den: Or Anita Harris, well, anyway... Colin: (belches) Den: ...if they're away doing an album, why don't we just drink a lot instead?