Just the other day
I was on my way to work
When nature started calling me
With an overwhelming urge
Now I'm just trying to find
A decent place to pee
So I pulled into mcdonalds
To use the lavatory

But when I walked into the john
And saw what was going on, whoa
It was a big disgrace to the entire male race
Tears were running down his face
And I said...

You've got to get yourself a doctor
You got stuck in your zipper and you can't get out of it
Don't move, I'll call a paramedic
You got stuck in your zipper, and now you can't get out of it

I picked up the phone
And I called up 911
To tell the operator
What the gentleman had done
The operator chuckled
And well I guess that's fair
Because this all could have been avoided
If he just wore some underwear
Well they notified his wife
And they brought the jaws of life
What a crappy way to spend my day
I'm saving private ryan, my oh my

You've got to get yourself a doctor
You got stuck in your zipper and you can't get out of it
Oh look, look at you now
You got yourself stuck in your zipper, and now you can't get out of it

He'll never walk the same again
And now when he talks he sounds a lot like this
And late at night when he closes his eyes
He's haunted by the sound of my voice singing...

You've got to get yourself a doctor
You got stuck in your zipper and you can't get out of it
That day will always be remembered
You got stuck in your zipper, and now you can't get out of it

And though the worst is over
He'll never live it down
Hey look this week on oprah
That zipper guy is on
His shame will never pass