Did You Get All That?

what am i to do?
numb to pain the feelings gone shut out myself to 
everything i knew.
the old me wouldn't feel this way, i guess it's true, 
everything comes back to you someday.
can't let myself be that way again. done lying, done 
fighting to lose.
is happiness today worth more than the truth? too tired, to
 try finding the reason i'm being punished like this.
dried blood on my hands, the only proof of what i've done 
it may not be right but revenge is what i need.
I wake up in a cold sweat on the floor, it wasn't real, i 
lay back down to live that dream again never waking would 
be good for now