Funeral directors of america, I am very deeply honored standing here; Receiving this token of your esteem, "the funeral director of the Year." Now I've been asked by all the delegates--and members of the board, To tell you of the funeral that won me this award. It was handled with taste and dignity, that much I can say for it; And I'm sure it will take the family twenty years to pay for it! It was a helluva fun'ral, it was a helluva fun'ral The finest fun'ral ever booked: I had some high school juniors who passed around petunial And lilies everywhere you looked. It was a helluva fun'ral, I say one helluva fun'ral Oh, how I wish that you were there; I had ten drum majorettes doubling on the castanets It really was a lively affair It really was a lively affair. It was a helluva fun'ral, it was a helluva fun'ral The national guard showed up for me; And during the oration, they went into formation And formed the letters r. P. p. It was a helluva fun'ral, I say one helluva fun'ral I gave it all my loving care; The band was on its toes playing "mexicali rose", It really was a lively affair. It really was a lively affair. A tisket a tasket, tell us about the casket Well, I'll tell you 'bout the casket, my good friends It would-a made your poor eyes pop It was sterling silver all around and a real formica top. Formica top, it had a formica top Well, I'll tell you 'bout the widow, my good friends, The widow was in navy blue With a gown designed by balenciaga, I supplied that too. He sold the widow widow's weeds too. I held the first funereal raffle, though I don't much like to boast And I gave away a chevrolet to the person who cried the most. He gave away a brand new chevrolet. I won it myself! There were eighteen jugglers by the grave to demonstrate their art And when they were done, I fired a gun to let the hoot-e-nanny start. He fired a gun and the hoot-e-nanny begun. I was serving beer and prtzels, 'til the hot pastrami came; And I sold some souvenier hankies with the dear departed's name. He was sellin' hankies with the dear departed's name. As a fitting finale we had the rockettes from new your's music hall; As you can see, my very good friends All in all, all in all: It was a helluva fun'ral, I say one helluva fun'ral No other burial could compare; It was all done up deluxe 'n' I made forty thousand bucks, It really was a lively affair. It really was a swingin' affair