Well, you took me to the movies
You took me to the dance
You took me to your warehouse
Tied up in the back of your van
You said, "Whip it out"
And I started to shout
"I'm in love with the woman again"

Well, you took me to your office
We went to meet your folks
We went out to the garden shed
Where I took off all my clothes
And I was terrified by the look in your eyes
But there's a lot to loving I don't know

Well, you took me to the ceremony
To sweat out all my fear
You came across the cosmic serpent
With pants rolling into his hair
If he's my spirit guide
I'm gonna stay inside
I'm never sleeping in a teepee again
No no, no no no no no

Well, you asked me where I came from
In the middle of round ten
I thanked you for the compliment
Before you clarified what you meant
You said, "What the hell are you doing here
There's a crawler in my apartment"

Trout Fishing in America
Baby, go and buy a pole
But by the time I got around to reading the book
I was a celebrated deep sea pro
Was drinking Greyhounds
Way below the ground
On my very own TV show

Well, we went to get some work done
So our faces finally matched
The doctor took one look at me
And took a skin graft out of my ass
If this is what it takes
It takes you one date
I'm gonna put my member behind glass
If I make it out alive
From Hollywood and Vine
I'll build a cabin up in the Northwest
No no, no no no no no