Do You Like My New Car?

You are... you gotta tell me something... i mean, 
seriously, i'm tellin' you this is the first time that any 
of my girlfriends and i have ever met anybody really from 
hollywood... i mean, really... my girlfriend jim, and ian, 
and aynsley, and bob, and frank... i mean, none of us...

Pleased to meet you...

Hi howie

We never met a pop star from hollywood... tell me 
something: have you ever met davey jones? or bobby sherman?

No.. no, i ..

I mean... david cassady, he's so...

Jimmy greenspoon, once i...

Three dog night?!!

Yeah...

Oh! i love them! they're my favorite band!.. ow gawd.. oh, 
do you like my new car? i'm ah.. my dad just gave it to me 
for graduation..

Ah yeaah?!! i'ts a ... it's a fillmore, isn't it? real 
futuristic, ah.. i dig the fins... listen: do you know how 
to get to the ah hollywood inn from here?

No, ah.. which one is it?

(burp) excuse me. it's the one by the airport... you 
know... cause we gotta get up early an'.. fly outta here in
 the morning, y'know...

Oh, i didn't know that... where do you guys play tomorrow 
night? i mean, i'd like to come maybe... in your bus or 
somethin'...

Yeah?..

(voice in background):
In the bus!

Come in the bus, huh?... tomorrow we're in ah, let's see...
 tierra del fuego...

Ook! you're so professional, howie!

Oh, it's not... it's nothing...

Howie, i mean, the way you gettin' tp-tp to play, an all 
these exotic places, i mean...

Yeah

Tell me something.. tell me and my girl-... tell me: do you
 really have a hit record... on the charts now?... with a 
bullet? ... i mean that's really important to me...

Listen, honey: would i lie to you just to get in your 
pants?

He-het! listen! hey, listen to me tellin' ya: we are not 
groupies!

Naw, i never.. i never said...

We are not groupies! you better understand that!.. i told 
robert planet, i told elton john, i told all those big 
guys...

Robert planet?!

We are not groupies!

No, i never..

Roger daltrey never laid a hand on me!

Yaw.. it's obvious to see why... listen, i never...

(2nd non-groupie):
Howie..

(1st non-groupie):
Tell him! tell him right now!

(2nd non-groupie):
We only like musicians for f-friends. you know?

(voices in back):
Real straight arrow, howie, really... just for friends, 
howie...

(2nd non-groupie):
But we still like you yeah.. we wouldn't mind coming in 
your bus, but..

(2nd non-groupie):
I mean, we still want to hear your record...

Listen you chicks!now didn' .. didn't you just say that you
 got off bein' juked with a baby octopus and spewed upon 
with cream corn? an' that your hair-lipped dyke-o 
bass-playing girlfriend on the backseat had to have it with
 a yoo-hoo bottle or she went apeshit?!..

Ooooh..

What's the deal, baby? come on..

Howie! howie, lissen yo me... all that's true..

Come across..

All that's true, and sometimes i even dig it with a doctor 

brown's cream soda... or a cel-ray!... but! we are not 
groupies! no matter what you think...

No, i never...

We are not groupies..

You see, there seems to be some kind of a communication 
problem, honey... because i... i am a lonely guy from outta
 town, y'know an'... an' i want some action... what i'm 
talkin' about is, i wanna... a-a-steaming... succulent... 
ever-widening, gooey, drippy, runny kind of a hole with 
a... with... how shall i put this... what say we hop in the
 trunk of your gremlin an' get our rocks off...

Hey! hey-hey-hey-heyyyy.... jesus!...

(voice in back):
I'm in this band, man...

(voice up front):
Very agile, howie, very agile...

(voice in back):
I am in this band no matter what we do up here... it's 
all...

Now lissen! it just so happend... tonight me and my 
girlfriends, i mean, we've all come here for one thing 
tonight...

Yeah?

Looking for a guy... and we're looking for a guy from a 
group

Wow

But he's gotta have a dick!

Waaah!

And he's gotta have a dick that's a monster!!

Waaaaaaaah!... that's me!! that's me! ooh! ... oooohh, you 
voluptouns manhattan island clit.. take me... i'm yours, 
you hole... fulfill my... wildest... dreams!....

Ooooh! anything for you, my most seductive, seclusive... 
pop star of a man... picture this if you can: bead jobs! 
knotted nylons! bamboo canes! three unreleased recordings 
of crosby, stills, nash and young fighting in the 
dressing-room of the fillmore east! why, 'n enchilada 
wrapped with pickle sauce shook up and down in between a 
donkey's legs until he can't it stand anymore! all this and
 more, howie! including! an electric coolde pony harness, 
with fuel injection... fuel injection... fuel injection...

Oooh! my god, i ... i ... i can't stand it!... i mean... i 
mean, dou you understand the implications of what i'm 
saying? i can't stand it!!! i can't stand it !! i can't 
stand it!! oh no!!... oh my god... i'm going home! i'm 
gonna see my baby... (etc) i really can't stand it... 
please... give it to me... give it to me right here in the 
trunk of your gremlin.. give me... give me the enchilada 
with the pickles sauce shoved up between a donkey's ass 
until he can't come anymore!...

Hey-hey! haha! not until you sing me your big hit 
record!... and i want to hear the big hit record, and i 
wanna hear it now, an' i wanna hear the big hit record now 
with a bullet! with a bullet!

The bullet?

The bullet! the bullet! i'ts the part that gets me the 
hottest... hehe!.. now sing me that record, and i wanna 
hear it right now or you ain't driving nowhere tonight, 
buddy...

Well, i know when i'm licked... all over.... okay, baby: 
bend over and spread 'em!... here comes my... bullet!!

(all sing happy together)