Harry-As-A-Boy

Rhonda:
Harry! harry, is that you as a boy?

Harry:
Why, it must be! he's so charming and sweet and likeable!

Thing-fish:
Harry-as-a-boy, c'mon over 'n say a few words to de nice 
peoples!

Harry-as-a-boy:
Hi, folks! nice to be here!

Thing-fish:
I's sure dere be lotsa folks like to know what yo' plans 
are...how y'intend t'be gwine about dis uncredibly serious 
bidniss o' growin' up in ermerica!

Harry-as-a-boy:
Well, i plan on making a few mistakes, having my heart 
broken and so forth, using all kinds of drugs, and turning 
gay as soon as possible in order to accelerate my rise to 
the 'top of the heap'.

Thing-fish:
Ahh! tremenjous, harry-as-a-boy, simply tre- menjous! you 
practicin' up fo it wit anybody in po-ticlar now?

Harry-as-a-boy:
I can't afford to study with anyone yet, since the bulk of 
my allowance goes for glue and grateful dead tickets, but 
soon i hope to be on my knees in a real homo bath 
house...maybe when my folks go on vacation.

Thing-fish:
Ain't you de clever one! tell us, harry-as-a-boy, howdja 

recide upon dis heah life-style bein' de one fo you?

Harry-as-a-boy:
It was pretty simple, really. i lost all desire for 
intercourse with females when they started carrying those 
briefcases and wearing suits 'n ties.

Rhonda:
What?

Harry-as-a-boy:
Let's face it: that would be like fucking a slightly more 
voluptuous version of somebody's father! i'm far too 
sensitive for such a traumatic experience!

Thing-fish:
You means de womens' libromation movenint done created de 
uncontrollable urgement to play dingle-dangle-dingle wit de
 personal requipment of yo own gender?

Harry-as-a-boy:
To a degree...i mean...look, i'm not stupid! i know it's 
all a thoroughly workable government- sponsored program to 
control the population explosion, and, just like every 
other american, i'm too concerned with my own personal 
health and well being to think of devoting any of my 
precious time to something as boring as 'reproduction'!

Rhonda:
Harry, i used to think you were merely an over- educated 
shit-head, but now that i finally have proof, it's going to
 give me great pleasure to refer to you as an over-educated
 cocksucker!

Harry:
Well, to be honest with you, dearest, i sort of ...gulp, 
gulp...

Rhonda:
Where's the fairies on a string, harry? huh? riddle me 
this!

Thing-fish:
Easy there, white folks! i told y'all'd be get- tin' yo' 
fairies after while, 'n y'know dat sort o' thing take a 
little time to woik up to in yo' broadway sitchyatium! 
mammys step faw'd 'n hep de lil' cocksucker out!