The Central Scrutinizer

Sometimes when you're not looking he just sneaks up on you.
 he looks like a cheap sort of flying saucer about five 
feet across with a snout-like megaphone apparatus in the 
front with two big eyes mounted like appletons with 
miniature motorized frowning chrome eyebrows over them. 
along the side of his disc-like body are several sets of 
stupid-looking
Headers and exhaust hoses which apparently propel him and 
punctuate his dialogue with horrible smelling smoke rings. 
in the middle of his head we can see an airport wind sock 
and constantly twirling anemometer. the bottom of him has a
 landing light and three spoked wheels. in spite of all 
this, it is obvious that the way he really gets around is 
by being dangled from place to place by a union guy with a 
dark green shirt up in the roof who is eating a sandwich 
(pieces of which drop off every once in a while and lodge 
themselves near the hole where they put the oil in that 
makes the cheap smoke).

He hovers into view and speaks to us thusly...

Central scrutinizer:
This is the central scrutinizer...it is my responsibility 
to enforce all the laws that haven't been passed yet. it is
 also my responsibility to alert each and every one of you 
to the potential consequences of various ordinary everyday 
activities you might be performing which could eventually 
lead to *the death penalty* (or affect your parents' credit
 rating). our criminal institutions are full of little 
creeps like you who do wrong things...and many of them were
 driven to these crimes by a horrible force called music!

Our studies have shown that this horrible force is so 
dangerous to society at large that laws are being drawn up 
at this very moment to stop it forever! cruel and inhuman 
punishments are being carefully described in tiny 

paragraphs so they won't conflict with the constitution 
(which, itself, is being modified in order to accommodate 
the future).

I bring you now a special presentation to show what can 
happen to you if you choose a career in music...the white 
zone is for loading and unloading only...if you have to 
load or unload, go to the white zone... you'll love 
it...it's a way of life...ha, ha, ha, ha, ha...hi, it's me,
 i'm back. this is the central scrutinizer...the white zone
 is for loading and unloading only...if yah gotta load, or 
if yah gotta unload, go to the white zone. you'll love 
it...it's a way of life. that's right, you'll love it, it's
 a way of life, that's right, you'll love it, it's a way of
 life, you'll love it. this, is, the central scrutinizer!