I got back in town a day before I'd planned to I smiled and said I'll sure surprise my wife I don't think I will phone I'll just head on home For I didn't know the cold hard facts of life I passed a little winestore on the corner I pictured pink champagne by candle light I stopped the car right then got out and hurried in My mind not on the cold hard facts of life (A stranger stood there laughing by the counter He said I'll take two bottles of your best Her husband's out of town and there's a party) He winkled as if to say you know the rest So I left the store two steps behind the stranger From there to my house his car stayed in sight But it wasn't till he turned into my driveway that I learned I was witnessing the cold hard facts of life (I drove around the block till I was dizzy Each time the noise came louder from within And then I saw our bottle there beside me) So I drank a fifth of courage and walked in Oh Lord you should have seen their frantic faces They screamed and cried please put away that knife To the devil I may go for there's one thing I know Who told who the cold hard facts of life Who told who the cold hard facts of life