Funkhauser

All right, all right i want everyone to start clappin. 
everybody, c'mon, follow me. a-one, a-two.

That's good clappin', burt, usually not on beat. you just 
on stage 'cause you look so handsome. but tonight, you on 
beat all right.

Alright, nathanial-
(yo!)
I want you gimme a smooth bassline, nice and smooth 
alright?
(alright!)

A-one two, three four...

Yeah. ooh i like that...like steppin into a warm bath. wash
 your soul. make the people clean.

Lymon, come on in! ahhh...

Scooty (yes), pete (yeah), gimme something high up there 
(here we go)...guitar!

Aw this is smooth..i ain't never heard anything so smooth! 
but sometimes i like a little chunky, i want a little 
chunky in there.... lewis! (yeah!) do you think you can do 
that? (oh yeah!)

Chunky chunk... now who we got on horns?

Ok, james... and no-bone willy, i want you to fly in nice 
and low.

Now watch me now...and now...woo, yeah

Oh man i dunno what we can do to make this better... 

somebody take a eggbeater and beat it against a skillet!

(i'm on it!)

You over there, ready freddy? (uh huh) when i point you in,
 i want you to give me a duck call!

(absolutely)

Can you give me a duck call??!!

(i can give you a duck call)

Lets get some ducks in here!

(bow wow)

Alright now i want somebody to take that skill saw and make
 me a table...a funky table!

Did you see robert jump up on that? woo, i didnt even have 
to ask him twice...

Now, move that microphone up to that vat of boiling 
pudding... ok, watch the microphone...now take some of 
those softballs, and drop them in that pudding! (you got 
it, boss) but make it funky.

Naw i don't like that, lets try something bigger. you see 
that robot? pick up that robot...(hey. put me down.) and 
drop him in the pudding (i can't swim)

Alright now i want somebody, no-bone willy put that horn 
down. you all drop out. willy,

(yo?)

Take a dead rat...throw it against the bus.
(do what?)

Open that patio door, take a dead rat...throw it against 

the bus.

(...ok)

Oh man that is repugnant. how's that table comin'?

(almost finished, gotta put the legs on)

Alright, uh, what else we got around here, i dunno, take a 
fire extinguisher... empty it... into a vacuum! that's what
 we're gonna do.

(i'm pretty sure that's a fire hazard)

That's alright... cause it's hot in here!

(i'm serious, you should rethink that)

(table's done)

Woo...that is a beautiful table.

Now, i've wanted to do this for a long time, 
somebody...stevie...take a compaq presario and a microwave-
 generate a forcefield. that's right, generate me a 
forcefield with a compaq presario and a microwave!

That's amazing. bert, go over there see if you can touch 
stevie, see if that thing is real.
(ow!)
(it really is real!)

Alright shut that thing off, i don't want no chernobyl, not
 to mention the electric bill.

Now what i'm gonna do is shove this fish through this 
kumquat!

(ok)

...i'm gonna take this fish...

Shh! shh! everybody...shh...quiet down guys.

(excuse me, guys)

I'm sorry, were we too loud, was it the forcefield?

(i don't know what that means..uh..no, the 'paladins of 
ashod' d&d club booked the room from 8 to 10, so...wrap it 
up.)

Well, you heard the man, lets take it on the road. 
nononono, leave the pudding.

Could you hit that button for me?

Alright, 'scuse me.

(i'm claustrophobic,so i'll take the stairs)

Alright, i'll see you down there.

Haha, you almost beat us down here!

That's alright, you go ahead.

(thank you)

Taxi!

Jesus! where'd you learn to drive? everybody in. into the 
deathmobile.

(shotgun)

Let's go to froggys on 5th. does anybody have my fish... 
and a kumquat?