Deep C Odyssey

"Praytell whats this vessel sinking in my eggcreme?" Upon a
 closer look thy turkey neck gave way to spite the 
mysterious lump in question.
However, roadraging hormones cracked off the crown jewels 
and with my taste of freedom I lept watch for pirates. 
Luckily, my skeleton key lies lubed up in your treasure 
chest to swarth in borrowed booty.
Yar! 'Twas with a sheer stroke of genious i donned your 
blue beard and like a harpooned spermwhale, I lampoiled up 
and sunk to such depths that I rewrote Jules Verne.