A Miracle

I've always had such a negative point of view.
I've always thought the worst of you.
And I am still there.
And when the oceans receded I just laughed;
If I can't have it no one can, I guess.
But I am a mountain no more.
Don't fool yourself.
I want to be normal again.
I'm ready to come in.
But I am still there.
1,000 years of solitude have had a strange effect on my 
personality.
I want to be a person again.
A clean start, a clean slate, a fresh start, a clean 
conscience.
But if you get to be Christ, then I get to be longings with
 this spear in my hand, screaming out loud to straighten 
the fuck up.
Maybe life exists, maybe not.