What we need in the world today Is a guide for the married man Some simple thing that in every way Would provide for the harried man Help him not to worry Assist him to relax Help him slow his heart rate And spare him cardiacs Such a guide would in many ways Turn the tide for the married man Enable husbands to fill their days As only the married can Every man would praise it It's such a splendid plan Someday soon we shall point with pride To the guide for the married man By the side of the married man 'Tis the lady who shares his life You help the bride of the married man By removing the husband's strife Every wife who's truthful Who treasures married bliss Must keep her husband youthful What better way than this? Each and every device we know Should be tried for the married man But who can question the debt he'll owe To the guide for the married man List things universal From Pittsburgh to Japan And Every man can be satisfied By the guide for the married man