I wake up every morning fighting two versions of me One that still whispers your name like a prayer in the dark And another that remembers how you taught my heart to bleed How love felt like a home and a war in the same arms I collect all the reasons I should let you go Line them up like soldiers guarding my pride But at night they all desert me, one by one And I'm left alone with the truth I still try to hide I hate the way you still feel like mine I hate the way my body forgets the pain I hate that missing you feels like breathing Like something I'll never escape And in the quiet between the hate and the love There's a fragile place where I still belong Where my heart breaks slow enough To almost feel like a song It's bittersweet, loving you like this With poison on my lips and your name in my chest I swear I'm done, I swear I'm free But I still fall every time I sleep It's bittersweet, this victory 'Cause losing you is killing me gently I hate you, I love you, I always will That's the part I can't kill Bittersweet You still taste like everything I lost Bittersweet You still feel like almost I tried to rewrite the ending, change the tone of the past Tell myself the love was just a beautiful mistake But my hands still reach for you out of habit Like my soul never learned to separate I see your shadow in strangers' eyes Hear your voice in every goodbye And I swear I'm stronger every day Until the nights remind me I'm still not fine I blame you, I blame me, I blame time I blame the way we burned too bright But if I'm honest, in my worst moments I'd still choose you, every time And in the space where the anger fades There's a love I never outgrew A soft, stupid, beautiful ache That still feels like you It's bittersweet, loving you like this With poison on my lips and your name in my chest I swear I'm done, I swear I'm free But I still fall every time I sleep It's bittersweet, this victory 'Cause losing you is killing me gently I hate you, I love you, I always will That's the part I can't kill Bittersweet You're the wound that never closed Bittersweet You're the dream I almost chose If love was a crime, I'd confess to you If hate was enough, I'd be healed by now But I'm standing in the ruins of what we were Still building a home out of the ashes somehow I screamed your name just to hear my own voice I broke my heart just to feel something real And I finally see the truth I was avoiding I don't miss you, I miss who I was when love didn't hurt like this So I let you go while holding you tight I walk away but I'm still inside I bury us slowly, line by line And cry for the love that will never die It's bittersweet, loving you like this With poison on my lips and your name in my chest I swear I'm done, I swear I'm free But I still fall every time I sleep It's bittersweet, this victory 'Cause losing you is killing me gently I hate you, I love you, I always will That's the part I can't kill Bittersweet And maybe one day it won't hurt like this Bittersweet But today, it still exists