Can I touch you here? May I search your bags?
You have randomly been selected
Got a funny name and you look the part
Plus, I like the way, you bulge in your clothes

Yeah, I love my job
Rock bottom pay never felt so hot
Big man, uniform and badge
Pedophile Santas ain't got nothing on me

I love to feel sexy things
Other people's sexy things
I love to peek at people's things
Other people's private things

When I was young and someone's guest
I'd find a way to sneak upstairs
Peek in the closet, paw through the drawers
And feel a funny tingle up from below

Oh, how I love to find
New playthings for my mind
I file these thoughts
Away until I go on break

When I can finally touch myself
See your shiny jewels
On your neck and wrists
They could be weapons

We must play safe so fork 'em over
Of you're under arrest
Maybe you should have checked
Them in your suitcase

Meanwhile, down below
What have we here?
Let's open this one up
Pills, cash electronics to fence

Let's see you prove they
Were there in the first place
Who is that behind
The one way mirror blind

Just little old me
And my non-dairy cream
Gotta wipe it up
And go select someone new