Oh lighten up, where's your sense of humor
They're just tiny little rumors
That I started 'cause I'm lookin' out for you
Oh settle down, I'm just a little jealous
and I'm sure those other fellas
never once believed the lies I told were true

Like the time I told that cowboy
that you used to be a man
and the doctor you were datin'
that you hide your wedding band
even if I am responsible for scaring them away
you really ought to thank me
I was doin' you a favor
'cause it never woulda worked out anyway

Oh can't you see, the reason that I'm doin'
all the crazy things I'm doin'
Is because I really care about you girl
and I'll admit I go a little farther
than I know I probably oughta
But it's all because I need you in my world

Like the time I told that lawyer
that you spent a year in jail
and the salesman you were seein'
you hang out in cheap motels
even if I am responsible for scaring them away
You really ought to thank me
I was doin' you a favor
'cause it never woulda worked out anyway

I can't stand the thought of you
with anybody else
I know I've gone overboard
but I can't help myself

Like the time I told that dentist
you had seven little kids
and you doubled as a dancer at the strip club on the ridge
even if I am responsible for scaring them away
You really ought to thank me
I was doin' you a favor
'cause it never woulda worked out anyway

It's all because I love you and
I can't stop thinking of you
and it never woulda worked out anyway