I'm fucking Matt Damon

Sarah Silverman: Hey Jimmy…it's me. I'm in ahh, a hotel…I 
don't know I've been on the road so long I..I don't even 
know what city I'm in any more to be honest. Anyway, I've 
been thinking about you a lot, and ahh, I've been needing 
to tell you something. I don't know why I haven't but it's 
important, I mean we've been together for so long, over 5 
years, and I still haven't told you and it's just not 
right, so here it goes.

Sarah Silverman: I'm fucking Matt Damon

Matt Damon: She's fucking Matt Damon

Sarah Silverman: I'm sorry but it's true

Sarah Silverman: I'm fucking Matt Damon

Matt Damon: She's fucking Matt Damon

Sarah Silverman: I'm not imagining it's you

Sarah Silverman: I'm fucking Matt Damon

Matt Damon: On the bed, on the floor, on a towel by the 
door, in
the tub, in the car, up against the mini-bar

Sarah Silverman: I'm fucking Matt Damon

Matt Damon: She's fucking Matt Damon

Sarah Silverman: While you're drinking diet Snapple

Sarah Silverman: I said I'm fucking Matt Damon

Matt Damon: She said she's fucking Matt Damon

Matt Damon: Hey Kimmel, how do you like them apples? Get 
it? 'Cause, 'cause I'm talking about her breasts…

Sarah Silverman: Yeah…it's…it's funny…

Sarah Silverman: Hey Jim, don't take it bad…Remember all 
the good times we had…Like the time we went fishing…And we 
caught a bunch of fish…Then you puked in the bucket…On the 
fish that we caught…

Girls: Knock knock!

Boys: Who's that knocking at my door?

Girls: Imefa!

Boys: Imefa who?

Girls: I'm fucking Matt Damon!

Boys: She's fucking Matt Damon!

Sarah Silverman: Analyze!

Everyone: F-U-C-K Matt D-A-M-O-N…I said F-U-C-K Matt 
D-A-M-O-N

Sarah Silverman: I'm fucking Matt Damon

Matt Damon: She's fucking Matt Damon

Sarah Silverman: And you know that I ain't lying

Sarah Silverman: I said I'm fucking Matt Damon

Matt Damon: She's fucking Matt Damon

Sarah Silverman: Ask The Insider's Pat O'Brien

The Insider's Pat O'Brien: It's true, The Insider has 
confirmed that

she is in fact fucking Matt Damon

Sarah Silverman: [Remember when] Last week when I was 
playing Scrabble with you online, I was fucking Matt Damon

Matt Damon: [Remember when] You went back and forth to do 
your show and Regis and Kelly's show, she was DEFINITELY 
fucking Matt Damon

Sarah Silverman: [Remember when] I told you I was fucking 
Matt Damon? I WAS fucking Matt Damon.

Sarah Silverman: On the bed, on the floor, on a towel by 
the door, in the tub, in the car, up against the mini-bar

Matt Damon: She's fucking Matt Damon

Sarah Silverman: She's fucking Matt Damon

Matt Damon: She's fucking Matt Damon

Sarah Silverman: I love L.A.!

Sarah Silverman: So, that's it…umm….I think I was clear?

Matt Damon: No, you did great.

Sarah Silverman: Oohh, it was okay. [laughs]

Matt Damon: Pretty damn good.

Sarah Silverman: Ummm, anyway…umm, you know, we had a great
 run Jim and ahhh, I hope there's no hard feelings, I hope 
we can be friends. I'm friends with all my boyfriends, my 
old boyfriends. If anything isn't clear or you need closure
 of some kind, please please call my publicist Amy Zvi at 
BNCPR. So take care

Matt Damon: You know what? Stop right there….Jimmy we're 
out of time…sorry.

Sarah Silverman: [laughs] You are soo bad!

Matt Damon: A little bit, let's put that guitar down and go
 fuck in my bed…See ya Jimmy.