C Dm F
C Dm F
C G F C G

N.C.
Good mornin! Good mornin!

   C                F
We stand before the journey
     C         Dm F
That leads us all
   C   G      C  G
To Oregon! To Oregon
  C         F
A pioneer adventure
C          Dm F
Down the trail
   C  G  F
To Oregon
   C     G
To Wisconsin!
  (To Oregon!)

N.C.
Grandpa? What? My legs hurt.

   C                F                N.C.
By God's command we dare to land in- Wisconsin!

N.C.
We're going to Oregon, Grandpa. Well, I want to go to Wisconsin!

    C        Dm            C
The promised land will not wait for us
   C         Dm        C         F
We leave our home with faith and trust
      C        Dm           C    G
We'll find the place of our destiny
    C          G      C
And spread our family seed
      C        Dm           C    G
We'll find the place of our destiny
    C          G      C
And spread our family seed

Em C Dm     F      G      N.C.  C  Bb Am F
No-ooow the show begins...Ahhhhhmm

[Verse 1]
C                   Bb
 Now our journey begins
                     Am
In the eighteen hundreds
            F
In a little city in Missouri
C           Bb
 Before we start
                  Am
You decide on the names
                  F
Of all the people in our wagon party

[Pre-chorus]
Dm                          C
  You must decide who these pioneers are
         F                        G
Are they carpenters or bankers or leavin' their farm?
     Dm             C
It's time to spin a personal yarn
F                     G
Carefully choose each name

[Chorus]
                          C
Cause this is more than a game
                  Bb
It's more than a game
                           Am
Oh, yeah, it's more than a game
                  F
No two shows will ever be the same

[Verse 2]
C             Bb                     Am
 My first pioneer will be President Polk
                      F
I know he'd be a good leader of the wagon
C               Bb                           Am
 Good job now, dear, that's what we're goin for
               F
You'd be extra careful not to kill him
C                 Bb                            Am
 I think I would use my mom and dad's names of course
                          F
So I'll make sure they'll never get divorced
C               Bb                        Am
 That might be too much information, but hey
                     F
It's great to have a personal connection

[Verse 3]
Am              C
I would make my family rich
          Dm               G
They'd be bankers from New York. Good.
Am                        C
Richie, Johnny, Emily and Peter and Sue
      Dm                             G
Their bank fell down and now they're poor
Am                      Am7
That's great kids, keep up the good work
          Dm                        G
Hey, Grandpa, what would your names be? Oh, well let me tell ya:
C                     Dm             Am7      F
Dick-suck, Dick-face, Hairy-tit, and Dr. Butt-nugget

N.C.                                                       G
Grandpa, the hell is that supposed to mean? What? They're names!
N.C.
Hairytit? Grandpa, you're seeing a bad example for our pioneers here
N.C.
You're going to make them think it's a good idea to name thEir
N.C.
WAgon party stUpiD tHIngS. Well, they should.

[Chorus]
C              Dm
We are gone to Oregon
         C/E             F
It's the greatest family vacation
      F
It'll bring us together
         Am7
Couldn't think of nothin' better, hey!
C                    G
Time for some family fun
N.C.
On the trail to Oreg-un

C                               Bb
 Alright pioneers, what do you say?
                                     Am
What would you like to name me, your wagon leader?
F
Jack Bauer!
C        Bb              Am             F
 Jack Bauer? I like the sound of that! Yeah!

[Verse 4]
C             Bb                    Am
 I'm Jack Bauer, a farmer from Illinois
                      F
All my skills will be useless on the trail
C              Bb                    Am
 My beautiful family is counting on me
                     F
A lot of pressure, I can't afford to fail

C                                  Bb
 Alright pioneers, now what would you
                        Am               F
Like to name your wagon mother? Slippery-When-Wet!
C             Bb
  Oh, that is- Slippery-When-Wet!
    Am             F
That's super sexy. Yeah!

[Pre-Chorus]
    Dm                          C
I'm Slippery-When-Wet and I'm a mother of two
         F                      G
Could've been a banker, guess a farmer will do
Dm              C  F N.C.
Why did you get to choose?

N.C.
Well honey, I don't know if you know this but, uh, I wrote the show
N.C.
That's just how this one goes. Yeah, but we're not going to get very
                          C                        Bb
Far as a bunch of fucking farmers. Alright, honey!
                           Am                            F
Well, no wagon party is complete without a litter of younguns
                      C                       Bb
The eldest of which is Slippery-When-Wet and Jack Bauer's teenage daughter
Am                                F       C              Bb
  What would you like to name her? Mouthface! Mouthface? I'll take it!
    Am                          F                            C
And what about our all-American son with a face of an apple pie?
     Bb          Am                    F
Craphole! Hmm...Craphole? That sounds good! Yeah!

[Pre-chorus]
Am        C                   Dm            G
Craphole, yeah that's me, I'm seven and I'm male
Am            C
Mouthface, is what my friends call me
    Dm                      G
I'm lookin' for love on the trail. Ew gross!

[Bridge]
              Dm                         C
I hope you're bit by a snake! I hope you break your back!
        Bb                     F
Hey, I found wild fruit! Pay attention, Dad!
         Dm                          C
We gonna stop at the forts? And I forgot to shave!
       F                                 F#            F
Did we bring enough food? Can I write on Grandpa's grave?
Dm            C F N.C.
Everyone just behave!

[Chorus]
                    C
Because it's only a game
             Bb
It's only a game
            Am
It's only a game
                       F
The Trail To Oregon is nothing but a game
      C                Dm
We'll be there soon in Oreg-oon
      C/E                 F
Honestly it beats milking cow tits
         F
We could be in the kitchen
      Am7
Doing something with a chicken
       C                       G
But we couldn't give less of a crap
            G N.C.
Cause we're making it to Oreg-ap

C                   Bb
 Alright, pioneers - let's get a move on
Am                          F
  Wait a minute you shicken-kit son of a bitch!
C                    Bb
 You forgot my name!  How could I forget?
               Am                           F
What would you like to name our lovely Grandpa?
         C                    Bb             Am
Titty-mitty! Titty-mitty?! I like that name!  Course you do
F
(cheers)

[Chorus]
     C              Dm
It's time to run to Oreg-un
     C/E                    F
It's too late to change the show now
          F
You could go next door
    Am7
And see something professional
C                       G
We wouldn't blame you a bit
          G N.C.
If you're sitting through this Ore-shit
      C                 Dm
We're Broadway bound in Oreg-ound
              C/E               F
Cause there's no Broadway in Chicago
            F
Who will forget their name
    Am7
And who will get the YouTube fame?
C                      G
These are questions to ask
G N.C.                   C  Bb F
When you're playing Oreg-ask...

[Outro]
                 C  Bb F
It's more than a game...
               C  Bb F G
Life is really great...
                        C C C
On the trail to Oreg-ate