Last night, I got so high
I think I had sex with the cable guy
Well I'll admit, it would've been funny,
But, that pole smoker stole all my drug money
I buy chronic every week or so
But I do it when I'm really really high on blow

I'm wide awake, but it's hard to count
I paid $1100 dollars for a quarter ounce!

I like drugs but they don't like me
My brain cells seem to disagree
I like drugs, I like drugs, I like drugs but they don't like me

I was pounding some bitch the other night
Rolling on E man, feeling alright
When I was high she was hotter than heck
But I woke up to a face that looked like Shrek
I get high, that ain't no lie
But I can't afford another friggin DUI

Doctor says "stop, or you'll be dying"
I was gonna, but then you said you were buying

I like drugs but they don't like me
It's always better, when they're free!
I like drugs, I like drugs, I like drugs, but they don't like me
No they don't!

Don't try and stop me, I can't be saved... oh yeah
If I die tonight at least my balls are shaved
Can you necro-feel-it!

Aw yeah, I Like Drugs
I do it when I'm chillin'
Aw yeah, I Like Drugs
I've even snorted penicillin... Ahhh come on! come on! come on!

If I can crush it - It goes up my nose
If it's smack I'll shoot it in between my toes
How old am I? Nobody knows!
My surgeon is my dealer so my age never shows!

Vicodin, valium, Percocet and crack,
Everybody scream Heavy Metal's back!

I like drugs but the don't like me!

I like drugs but the don't like me
I'm driving right now to the next party
I like drugs, I like drugs, I like drugs, but they don't like me!

Michael: Oh shit man, I'm getting pulled over again...
Ah, I better chug these beers, where's those pills shit?
Cop: Sir do you realize you were going 25mph on the freeway back there?
Michael: Well what's the fucking speed limit? 15 mph?
Cop: Smart Ass! Sir do you have any Warrants?
Michael: I got their first CD, but you can't have it! Later!
Cop: I got a 5150 on a 2112, I'm following a 1984 yellow Camaro.
Suspect looks like a chubby David Lee Roth...
Scratch that, more like a skinny version of Vince Neil!
Michael: You can't catch me! 'Cause I'm too fast

Hey man, give me three dude!
I tought I said three
I tought I said two
What the fuck is going on..?
Stop it man! Fuck!
Hey, where's... where's... where's my... Hey! Where's my bong dude? Fuck...