Bill: I'm Bill S. Preston, Esq.! And this is Ted "Theodore" Logan!
B&T: And we are Wyld Stallyns!
DeNomolos: I am DeNomolos. Now . . . what is your mission?
Evil Bill: First we totally kill Bill and Ted!
Evil Ted: Yeah, then we take over their lives.
Evil Bill: He's totally a robot!
Evil Ted: So are you, dude!
Evil Bill: Whoa, we're total metalheads!
DeNomolos: Destroy that ridiculous, insipid band!
Evil B&T: Death to Bill and Ted!
Reaper: Get down with your bad self!
DeNomolos: You fools! Are we ready?
Reaper: Get down with your bad self!
DeNomolos: You fools!
Evil B&T: Yeah, totally!
Reaper: Get down with your bad self!
DeNomolos: You fools! Are we ready?
Evil Ted: I've got a full on robot chubby.

Evil B&T: How's it goin', Bill and Ted?
Bill: Ted . . . it's us again!
Ted: Whoa!
Bill: You're metal, dude!
Evil Bill: I know! Check it out! We're totally gonna kill you now!
B&T: Whoa . . .
Evil Bill: Ha ha ha!
Ted: Dudes, even though you're doing this, we . . . we . . .
Bill: We love you!
Evil Bill and Ted: Fags!
Bill: You dick, Bill!
Evil Bill: I know! Let's waste 'em.
Bill and Ted: Aaaahhhhh!!!
Reaper: Get down with your bad self!
Rufus: Bogus
Evil Bill: Stellar, Evil Ted!
B&T: No way!
Reaper: Get down with your bad self!
Rufus: Bogus
Bill: Yeah!
Reaper: Get down with your bad self!
Rufus: Bogus
Evil Bill: Stellar, Evil Ted!
B&T: No way!
Evil Bill: I totally loogied on that good, dead me!

Ted: Bill, what happened?
Bill: Ted, we're dead, dude!
B&T: Whoa!
Ted: Who are you?
Bill: Ted, it's the Grim Reaper, dude!
Ted: Oh. How's it hangin', Death? We've got to get back to the babes!
Bill: Ted, we can't . . . we're dead, dude!
Ted: We've got to stop those evil us's! We've gotta try!
Bill: But how?
B&T: Melvin!
Reaper: They melvined me!

Ted: Dude, I totally broke a rock!*
Bill: Excellent!*
Ted: I kinda like this* . . . Who's that?
Bill: Ted, who do you think it is?
Ted: How's it goin', Beelzebub? Excellent rocks!*
Bill: We totally broke some.*
Ted: Okay, can we go now?
B&T: Whoa!
Bill: Thanks dude! You know, you've got a bad rap.
Colonel Oates: Gentlemen! Welcome to Hell!
Ted: Dude.
Bill: What?
Ted: I think we're in our own personal hell!
Easter bunny: You stole Deacon's Easter basket!
Little Ted: No way!
Granny S. Preston, Esq: How about a kiss?
Little Bill: Bogus!
Bill: You ugly red source of all evil!
Granny S. Preston, Esq: All I want is one! Right on the lips!
Colonel Oates: Get back here!
B&T: AHHHHHH!!!!!! WHOAAAAA!!!!!!!
Bill: That was non-non-non-non heinous!

Evil Bill: You suck, dude!*
Bill: Do something else, dude!*
Ted: Yeah!*
Bill: Not bad, dude!
B&T: Excellent!

Reaper: Get down with your bad self!
Bill inside Sergeant: Whoa, donuts!
Ted inside Captain Logan: I totally possessed my dad!
Reaper: Get down with your bad self!
Ted inside Captain Logan: Excellent!
Bill inside Sergeant: I totally believe you, dude!
Reaper: Get down with your bad self!
Bill inside Sergeant: Whoa, donuts!
Ted inside Captain Logan: I totally possessed my dad!
Bill: You totally killed us, you evil metal dickweed!
Evil Bill: That's right, lesser developed human prototype us's!*
Bill: Let's get 'em, Ted!*
Ted: Ahhhhh, yeah, no!*
Colonel Oates: Get 'em Granny!*
B&T: We've got to face them.*
Colonel Oates: Now get going!*
Various moans and groans of fears being defeated.*

Bill: Kiss your fears, dudes!*
Ted: Or offer 'em a honeybun or something. And they'll get smaller and maybe they'll even go away!*
Bill: Yeah, they're not that bad, dude. So don't get programmed by anybody but yourself!*
B&T: Let's rock!*
Rufus: And most important, do not do your homework without wearing headphones!
Evil B&T: Catch you later, Bill & Ted!
Colonel Oates crying.*