Arriving At L. Ron Hoover's Modernistic Office / Cathedral / Ware-house / Condominium Complex, Joe Is Greeted By a Pre-recorded Message And A Dramatically Illuminated Image On a Wall-sized Tv Screen... L. Ron Hoover: Welcome to the First Church of Appliantology! The White Zone Is For Loading and Unloading Only! Don't You Be Tarot-fied It's Just a Token of My Extreme Don't You Be Tarot-fied It's Just a Token of My Extreme Don't You Never Try to Look Behind My Eyes You Don T Wanna Know What They Have Seen Don't You Never Try to Look Behind My Eyes You Don't Wanna Know What They Have Seen Joe: (Thinking to Himself) Some People Think That If They Go Too Far They'll Never Get Hack To Where the Rest of Them Are I Might Be Crazy But There's One Thing I Know You Might Be Surprised At What You Find When Ya Go! And Thus, Having Rationalized His Expedition to L. Ron's Modernistic Office / Cathedral / Warehouse / Condominium Complex, Joe Seeks the Answer To His Problem... Joe: Oh Oh Oh Mystical Advisor What Is My Problem, Tell Me Can You See? L. Ron Hoover: Well, You Have Nothing to Fear, My Son! You Are a Latent Appliance Fetishist, It Appears to Me! Joe: That All Seems Very, Very Strange I Never Craved a Toaster Or a Color T. V. L. Ron Hoover: A Latent Appliance Fetishist Is a Person Who Refuses to Admit to His Or Herself That Sexual Gratification Can Only Be Achieved Through the Use of Machines... Get the Picture? Joe: Are You Telling Me I Should Come Out of the Closet Now Mr. Ron? L. Ron Hoover: No, My Son! You Must Go Into the Closet And You Will Have A Lot of Fun! That's Where They All Live So If You Want An Appliance to Love You You'll Have to Go in There N' Get You One Joe: Well...that Seems Simple Enough... L. Ron Hoover: Yes, But If You Want a Really Good One, You'll Have to Learn a Foreign Language... Joe: German, For Instance? L. Ron Hoover: That's Right... A Lot of Really Cute Ones Come From Over There! (Fifty Bucks, Please) And a Cheerful Group of Appliantologists Dance Into the Room Wearing Aluminum Foil Lab Smocks, Lock Arms in a Circle Around Joe, Making Sure He Pays in Full, All the While Singing With L. Ron As He Delivers Nis Final Instructions... L. Ron Hoover: If You Been Mod-o-fied, It's An Illusion, An Yer in Between Don't You Be Tarot-fied, It's Just a Lot of Nothin,' So What Can It Mean? If You Been Mod-o-fied, It's An Illusion, An Yer in Between Don't You Be Tarot-fied, It's Just a Lot of Nothin, So What Can It Mean? (Etc., Etc., Etc.)