Am
This is the strangest story that you'll ever hear
                      G
Unless you can't hear
Am                                            C         Am
In which case, this'll be the weirdest tale you've ever lip-read


[Verse 1]

Am
I'll tell you the story of a dangerous man

Some say he was born with a gun in his hand

An only child and a motherless son

In his class he was the difficult one
G
He had a predilection for killing and hating

And his name was an anagram of Satan
    C             F
Bad attitude, bad blood, bad grammar
              E         Am
A man by the name of    Stana


[Chorus]

G       Am
Whoaaaaaaa, Stana


[Verse 2]

Am
Talking about a bad man, London

A very bad man

An evil man
          C           Am
His very name was a Satan-agram
Am
He's the kind of man who would walk around without any pants on

And take a Viagra

Just pop into town at the supermarket with an erection

Am
Man, he'd would poke babies in the eye

Unrelated to the last fact

 Am
He'd steal your goat, you don't know what he would do with it

Bad things

He'd steal your WiFi

His name was a Satan-agram

Just like Santa

But he was nothing like Santa

No, Santa is a wonderful man

Who brings presents

Comes down your chimney and brings you presents

Whereas Stana is just a man who comes down your chimney

 Am
Why someone do that?

Ruin a lovely fireside evening


[Verse 3]

Dm
Well, them people

They were sick of him groping their goats and raping their sheep
 C
Then one night

They drugged his drink

They tried to sneak out while he was asleep
    Dm
But Stana awoke before they got out of town

Because their drug was just too weak
   E
He gathered them 'round

Shot every one of them down
                      C Am
Right there in the street
Am
He shot everybody in the town down

And then you know what he said?

He said, "I'm out of this place

This town's dead anyway!"

He kinda did it like that, where the head went

"This town's dead anyway"

"It's too soon, Stana"

"That's rude! What are you?"

He's literally adding insult to injury
 Am
He put on his hat and got on his horse

And to a new town he set his course

Went to a place to grab a bite to eat

Could not believe what he saw out on that street
  G
Outside where the wind blew into two directions

Stana seemed to look at his own reflection
   C                F
A man identical to imperfection
                 E         Am
Same eyes, same lies, same sized erection


[Chorus]

G    Am
Whoaaaa, erection


[Verse 4]

Am
I know what you're thinking

You're thinking he had a big one

Nope

Oh, you thought 'cause he was a bad boy, he'd have a big ol' one

You thought he'd have a big huge-a-rooni

No, no, no, no, no

No, London

That's a rumor put out by bad guys

"Give me all your money, and when they come, you say I had a big one."

Well, I was just gonna mention, you know who does have big ones is musicians

Right

Exactly, definitely

 Dm
Well, they drew their guns

Both at once and aimed their shots directly
 C
No one there had seen such a thing

Well, it's not what you'd expect to see
 Dm
Bullets flew at the very same time

On the very same trajectory
        E
What I say is true

'Cause I was there
                             Am
And them bullets flew right next to me


[Bridge] N.C.

Them bullets stopped right there as they met in the air

Then they fell to the ground without making a sound

Each man dropped his jaw and fired five more

Each pair of bullets was the same as before

They raised their brows as they saw the side

Of the bullets as they stopped each others flight

As though they were filled with pure elation

They began to laugh 'cause it was quite a funny situation


[Chorus]
Am      G           Am
        Whoaaaaaa, funny situation


[Verse 5]

Am
Turns out this other guy's name is Anats

Satan-agram

The two men couldn't shoot each other

'Cause they were absolutely perfectly matched in every way

So instead, they went to a cafe

They started chatting

Turned out they had more in common than just physical appearances

That's right, very similar experiences

They'd done a lot of the same things

And they loved the same kind of activities

Like hurting people and maiming

They, they got on like a house on fire

Which is also one of the first things they did together

They both shared a love for predatory large cats

You know, tigers. Lions. Ocelots. Lynxes

You have any big cats here in London?

They're like big beavers

They don't have beavers

You guys don't have beavers?

What the fuck? Oh, badgers

That's what you guys have

Badgers, that's what they...

Go out hunting for English beavers


[Verse 6]

Am
They became attached together

Like a brain and a tumor

Same taste, same hobbies

Same sense of humor

They bought a farm, started breeding puma

And they became lovers

Well, that's the rumor

G
Well, that's what happened when Anats met Stana

But they say we all got our doppelganger
 C
That might be false
 F
But it might be true
                    E      Am
Oh, what would you do if you met you?
    Am
That's the real question

What would you do if you met yourself?

If you were confronted by your own person?

Maybe you'd look at that other you in the eye, and just think

"I understand you

Because I am you."

And you'd walk up to that person

And you'd hold them

The way you've always wanted to be held

But no one's ever got it quite right

Sometimes they've done it too tightly

Sometimes they've done it too loosely

With their arms all floppy like spaghetti...

Dangling around

But this hug between you and that other you is a perfect consistency of hug

Then, while you're there with your hands around your self

You think, "Well, I wonder what my butt feels like."

And you just, like

You know, like, spider-walk one of your hands down to your other self's butt-on!

And give it a little squeeze

And "Whoa!

What's happening back there?"

The other you's doing the same thing

Hello

Is this wrong?

And then you wonder

"I wonder if I'm a good kisser."
         F
So you kiss that other you
      C        Am
And you know what?
                           C       Am
Straight away it feels right, it feels good
    Am            C    Am
It feels    like love


[Verse 7]
                    C
They've fallen in love
                      F
An emotional connection
                C
Two very evil men
                      F
With minuscule erections
C            F
Stana and Anats
           C
Anats and Stana
                     F
Looking after each other now
                C       F
Looking after panthers
                 C
They used to be murderin', murderin', murderin'
             F
Now they're cuddlin', cuddlin', cuddlin'
            C
Used to be threatenin', threatenin', threatenin'
             F
Now they're getting big cats and pettin' em
            C
Used to be homicidal and killin'
                  F
Now, they're in a domicile and chillin'
            C
Used to be slayin' and slayin' and slayin'
                 F
And now they're gayin' and gayin' and proud


[Outro]
                     C     F
They found a little love
                     C     F
They found a little love
                     C     F
They found a little love
                     C     F
They found a little love
                     C    Cm   Am  C
They found a little love