(Spoken) Woo! Somebody done been to the WalMart!
Man, this is the stuff I got for Christmas.
Well you cleaned up, whatcha get?

(Sung) 5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shot gun shells
2 huntin dogs
And some parts to a Mustang GT

(Spoken) You got gypped, there's 12 days to Christmas!
I know that, i got it covered! Look over there in the corner!
That's yours too?
yeah!

(Chorus)(Sung)
12 pack of bud
11 wrestlin' tickets
Tin a' copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of redman
6 cans of spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shot gun shells
2 huntin dogs
and some parts to a Mustang GT

(Spoken) Man, these ain't normal christmas presents!
Naw, they're Redneck Gifts!
Redneck gifts?
yeah, like if you buy your wife earrings that double as fishin' lures,
or if you can burp the entire chorus to jingle bells.
Perhaps if you think that the nut cracker is something you did off the high dive
or if you've ever misspelled anything in Christmas lights
or if you leave cold beer and pickled eggs for Santa Claus!
Whats wrong with that?
I didn't say anything's wrong with it, it's hard to beat..

(Chorus)

(Spoken) Well, you know you can't really consider it Christmas unless you go down to the penitentiary and visit your Momma
You're not listening to me, get the car key out of your ear, that's where the 9 years probation comes in.
Now I'm gonna do it for you again,listen

(Chorus)

(Spoken) Are you cryin?
Naw, just my allergies
Happy Holidays everybody!