Yeah This one's about my wife, heh And her infinite men Her Kindle's basically a brothel at this point 'Kay, hey, hey My wife ain't cheating, but her Kindle sure is 'Cause she's got 30 fake dudes all calling her miss There's a fae king, a wolf shifter, a demon on deck And a vampire who's somehow always kissing her neck She laughs, kicks her feet, gets all blushy and warm While I'm in the kitchen fighting Tupperware like a storm I'm like, babe, you good? She's like: O-M-G, wait The orc just picked her up, like she's his fated mate! Girl, how I'm supposed to compete with that? These dudes got wings, tattoos, and stamina stats Meanwhile, I'm over here with back pain and snacks At night, whoa My wife got book boyfriends lined up in rows She could start a damn army with the men she chose Every night, she's like: O-M-G, new toy! And I'm just standing here like: Girl, what about your boy? She got a harem, a whole damn crew Six in every book, and she reads book two She don't need reality, she got her joys A library full of delicious boy toys (look, babe) Look, babe, don't take it so rough Just 'cause my book-men are a little more buff They got claws, magic, fangs, torsos carved like art You got dad jokes, snack crumbs, and a good heart Which is cute, but these men be like: My queen, my mate Let me worship you all night with unholy fate' Meanwhile, you're like: Babe, want a DoorDash fry? I love you, boo, but these men got thighs She'll finish a series and swear she's fine Then 30 minutes later, she's got a new man online I ask, who's he? She says: Oh, just a prince Then shows me a cover with a dude who's all rinse and ripped She says: Babe, he's sweet, and he calls her his treasure Girl, if I talked like that, you'd call 9-1 for pressure But, hey, if she's happy with her little book clan I guess I'm okay being boyfriend number (turns, damn, ten) My wife got book boyfriends stuffed in her brain I swear, if they paid rent, we'd be rollin' in gain She dimples, giggles, screams: Oh my God! While I'm just sitting there feeling oddly flawed She got a harem, a magical squad Each one built like a Roman Greek God She don't need reality, she got her joys Stacked like Jenga with her pretty boy toys She says: Babe, he's sweet, and he calls her his treasure Girl, if I talked like that, you'd call 9-1 for pressure But, hey, if she's happy with her little book clan I guess I'm okay being boyfriend number (ten), damn, ten My wife got book boyfriends stuffed in her brain I swear, if they paid rent, we'd be rollin' in gain She dimples, giggles, screams: Oh my God! While I'm just sitting there feeling oddly flawed She got a harem, a magical squad Each one built like a Roman Greek God She don't need reality, she got her joys Stacked like Jenga with her pretty boy toys Look, babe, I get it They're fictional, don't cry I'm not crying, just heavily hydrated in the eye You'll always be my main character, babe Until the next series drops Probably