Well I Thought About the Army
Dad Said, Son You're Fucking High
And I Thought, Yeah There's a First For Everything
So I Took My Old Man's Advice
Three Sad Semesters
It Was Only 15 Grand Spent in Bed
I Thought About the Army
I Dropped Out and Joined a Band Instead

Grew a Moustache and a Mullet
Got a Job At Chick-fil-a
Citing Artistic Differences
The Band Broke Up in May
And in June Reformed Without Me
And They'd Got a Different Name
I Nuked Another Grandma's Apple Pie
And Hung My Head in Shame

Been Thinking a Lot Today
Been Thinking a Lot Today

Oh, I Think I'll Write a Screenplay
Oh, I Think I'll Take It to La
Oh, I Think I'll Get It Done Yesterday

In This Time of Introspection
On the Eve of My Election
I Say to My Reflection
God Please Spare Me More Rejection
'cause My Peers They Criticize Me
And My Ex-wives All Despise Me
Try to Put It All Behind Me
But My Redneck Past Is Nipping At My Heels

I've Been Thinking a Lot Today
I've Been Thinking a Lot Today
I've Been Thinking a Lot Today
I Thought About the Army...