( A  A7 )

A
I can see it in your eyes girl
            C#m
That you're in the mood for love
     F#m
So I light some candles, pour some wine
 D                  E
Come sit down on the rug

A
But there's something I must tell you, babe
C#m
Before we take this step
F#m
Something about me girl
   D                E
That you do not know yet

A                A7
I have no penis

It was torn off
            D
In a bicycle accident
                 A
In nineteen ninety nine
               E
I also lost one testicle
                         D
So all I have is a weird uni-ball
                           A
And a rubber tube, between my legs
E                                  A
But babe, I can love you in different ways

( A  A7 )

 A
I'll make love to you with the rubber tube
       C#m
That I use for urinating
        F#m
I'll just tape to Popsicle sticks around it
D                        E
Make it easier for penetrating

A
And having only one ball
      C#m
Isn't always a bad thing
           F#m
It's like a pool ball in a pillow case
            D               E
It's like a cherry on a sundae


'Cause girl 
          A
I have no penis
       A7
I have no cock
                  D
If it looks like I have a ball
                             A
Just 'cause I stuff it with a sock
                   E
Girl, I know that you're afraid
                       D
But I promise, baby, if you stay
                               A
That I'll put a cucumber in the microwave
    E
And babe, I will love you in different...
AAADDAAADD
... ways

A
Just because I don't have cock
D                 A
It doesn't mean I can't rock
A
Just because I don't have cock
A                       D
It doesn't mean I can't rock
D          A
O-o-oh yeah