When I was delivered, I cleared my nostrils and spanked my own ass.
Later that day, I invented a silicone-based protein that cured world
Hunger and brought about world peace. I owned a multi-billion dollar corporation
by the time I was six - and you can too!

I won the Nashville Chili cook off
Home on the prairie, motherfucker!
Big trucks and little women, I take 'em skinny dipping
You want the life I'm living - who the fuck you kidding
I circumcised myself with my bare hands
Girzzly Adams, motherbitches.

Don't need an elevator, I take the stairs
I wrestle alligators, I ain't no square
I don't need toilet paper, I'll use my hands
And wipe 'em on your face 'cause I'm the MAN!

I once slapped a guy so hard his mom lit on fire... and that bitch lives in Alaska!
You figure it out! So you see, my little bitches, if you buy my 1 minute and 48
second seminar, you TOO could become the "Champion Of The World"!
I'm joking you're a loser!

When I take of my shirt even old ladies flock to me
I'm like Don Johnson, you fucks!
Don't need an elevator, I'll take the stairs
I wrestle alligators, I ain't no square
I don't need toilet paper, I'll use my hands
And wipe 'em on your face 'cause I'm the MAN!

Champ-pion, Champ-pion, Champ-pion
Champion of the world!
I'm the champ, you're the peon.