What we need in the world today Is a guide for the married man It's a simple thing that in every way Will provide for the harried man Help him not to worry Assist him to relax Help him slow his hurry And spare him of the ax! Such a guide would in many ways Turn the tide for the married man Enable husbands to fill their days As only the married can Every man would praise it! It's such a splendid plan! Someday soon we should point with pride To the guide for the married man! (Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba) (Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba) By the side of the married man Is the lady who shares his life It will help the bride of the married man By removing the husband's strife Every wife is truthful who treasures married bliss Must keep her husband youthful What better way than this? Each and every device we know Should be tried for the married man And who can question the debt he'll owe To the guide for the married man This thing's universal From Pittsburgh to Japan And every man can be satisfied By the guide for the married man! (Ba ba ba)