You're a douche, you're a douche
You're a big fizzy douche
You broke that poor girl's heart

You're a douche, you're a douche
You're a big fizzy douche
You should have told the truth right from the start

But my intentions were good
I was no slave to my wood
I wanted her to love me for me

He does have lots of riches
Which attracts a lot of bitches

Thank you alan
But you'll never be on glee
O, crap

If I may throw in my two cents
Your love was based on a pretense
Your relationship with mother is the blame

You didn't suckle on her boobies
You self-medicate with doobies
Which explains why you used a made-up name
Cue the refrain

You're a douche, you're a douche
You're a big fizzy douche
Everything you said was a lie

You're a douche, you're a douche
You're a big fizzy douche
But you're still a really, really handsome guy
Thank you

Then what am I to do
So I don't always live with you

Wow, that hurts my feelings
But since I live there, beneath your ceilings
I'll bite the pillow like the prison bitches do
Ooooh

If she gives me one more chance
We can have a real romance
If she doesn't we can party in my pants

Excuse me, no disrespect
But I have to interject
What makes you think you can steal the show

'Cause I'm gay
(You're so clearly from lA)
Yes I'm gay
(And he will always be that way)
I'm gay
(Or as his jersey friends would say)
Yo, badda bing, he's a big old mo

Excuse me, but we seem to be digressing
And I find it to be quite distressing
Can we sing about the problem that's at hand
Can kate get over sam and love who I am

You're confusing me for someone who gives a damn
So, bottom line

You're a douche, you're a douche
You're a big fizzy douche
And I'll die sad and alone

You're a douche, you're a douche
You're a big fizzy douche
Hold it everybody, that's my phone

Hello, kate?
You're a douche

Douche, douche, douche, douche
Douchey douche douche douche
Doooouche, you're a douche, oh, what a douche

You couldn't say it meaner
I'm a big vagina cleaner
Didn't do what I ought to
I'm vinegar and water

On this we all agree
(Oh yes, we all agree)
Oh good, you finally see
To shining sea

Give me a d o you c h e - douche
Give me a d o you c h e - douche
Give me a d o you c h e - douche
Drum roll

You're a douche, you're a douche
Just a big fizzy douche
And that's all I'll ever be

You're a douche, you're a douche
You're a big fizzy douche
And that's all you'll ever be

Douche!