I was eight years old when my father left her
Why he left I never have been told
Though she tried so hard, it was too much for her

So I found myself out in the cold
And as the years wore on
Every day that just went wrong
It seems that I was made
For some kind of joker's punchline

Universal man, that's what they call me
Universal man in all his glory
I got a fifth and raincoat kind of mistake
Oh, oh

Universal man, that's what they all shout
Universal man, why did you drop out?
I thought I had your whiskey bottle to drink
Then I'll feel fine
Then I'll feel fine

I was just 18 (just 18)
When they came and took me
Said that I was guilty of a crime
Five long years I stayed in the penitent'ry
I was servin' someone else's time

And when they set me free
(When they set me free)
All the fight had gone from me
My face became a fixture down
At the low queue handout

Universal man, that's what they call me
Universal man in all his glory
I got a fifth and raincoat kind of mistake
Oh, oh

Universal man, that's they all shout
Universal man, why did you drop out?
I thought I had your whiskey bottle to drink
Oh, oh

Universal man, that's what they call me
Universal man in all his glory
I got a fifth and raincoat kind of mistake
Oh, oh

Universal man, that's they all shout
Universal man