D > Bm > G > F#m

[Verse 1]
D                  Bm                     G      F#m
I am the drunkest, ugliest girl at the bar
             D                                  Bm                            G      F#m
Oh well I'm scheming, and I'm scheming, and I'm scheming, and I'm gonna go far
D           Bm                          G      F#m
All the boys, yeah they think I'm a star
            D                                   Bm                             G      F#m
Because I'm drinking, and I'm drinking, and I'm drinking, yeah I go pretty hard
        D              Bm                       G      F#m
I get a pinch on my ass, when I lean on the sill
           D                             Bm                              G      F#m
And then I bent it, and I bent it, and I bent it but not to pick up the bill
  D                     Bm                    G      F#m
My husband's at work, my baby's in a Daewoo sauna
          D                            Bm                     G     F#m
I hold my breath when I check, just to see that she isn't a goner
  D                         Bm                        G     F#m
The little dream sits there, she's like a fly in a jar
             D                               Bm                           G      F#m
Yeah who the hell are they to tell me that I can't leave my kid in the car
         D                 Bm                     G      F#m
I am the goddamn drunkest, ugliest girl at the bar
             D                              Bm                           G      F#m
Yeah who the hell are you to tell me that I can't leave my kid in the car

D Bm G F#m x 2

[Chorus]
             D                              Bm                           G      F#m
Yeah who the hell are you to tell me that I can't leave my kid in the car
             D                              Bm                           G      F#m
Yeah who the hell are you to tell me that I can't leave my kid in the car

[Verse 2]
D                 Bm                    G      F#m
I am the dumbest, richest guy at the bar
               D                          Bm                          G      F#m
Yeah, well I'd take you for a ride but my girl took the keys to my car
         D                   Bm                      G      F#m
I made a deal over lunch baby, yeah it was worth 15k
          D                       Bm                     G      F#m
I show my teeth when I smile in a real matter-of-fact way
       D             Bm                         G      F#m
I make so much money, I swear I never get any older
            D                             Bm                            G      F#m
And I don't talk to my brother cause that prick's got a chip on his shoulder
            D                Bm                                G      F#m
Oh yeah I'm feelin real good, how much for one of those cigars?
          D                          Bm                         G      F#m
I want to breathe like a dragon baby, I cough up burning hot tar
              D               Bm                          G      F#m
Hey look, I'm cold outta cash, just put it all on my card
                  D               Bm                             G      F#m
Hey, wait but you can't cut it up, my credit rating is five stars
             D              Bm                             G      F#m
Oh well this place is a joke, yeah who do you think you are
                      D                Bm                     G      F#m
You're talking to the goddamn dumbest, richest guy at the bar