I sat down to watch the game
My wife came in, she found my cocaine
I tore out her eyes
Now she can't find my supplies or much else
Oh, what a perfect wife
Love of my life

She sang along to CCR
I smashed her face into the VCR
I choked her until her tongue was hanging
And then I grabbed that thing and pulled it out
Oh, what a tasteless wife
Love of my

Don't say word my darling
I know how you feel
It's been years since I have looked at you this way
And if I've hurt you
Please forgive me
Love makes you do funny things

Her playing the piano
Sounded like a thirsty camel in a lake
I took her little fingers
As a souvenir of her playing
Oh, what a talented wife
Love of my life

Coming home from work one day
My wife had found a way to rig the door
Shotgun pointed towards me
Trigger pulled and my body lying on the floor
Oh, what a talented wife
And the last thing she said to me was

Don't say word, my darling
I know how you feel
It's been years since I have looked at you this way
And if I've hurt you
Please forgive me
Love makes you do funny things