You can never see it
I keep it in a jar
You can not escape it
Not even in your car

It is not a mineral
Animal or plant
You will never find it
Don't try because you can't

Make it so it hurts your face
And touch it
Spank it 'till it stinks
And touch it, baby

It's weight doesn't matter
Neither does its size
If you look into it
It burns out your eyes

Do not breathe around it
Sniffle, sneeze or cough
If you were to touch it
Your skin would sizzle off

Make it so it hurts your face
And touch it
Spank it 'till it stinks
And touch it, baby

It's the mighty planet laser
The cause for every scream
It is better than anything you've got
'Cause it's made out of a laser beam

Now is when the horror will be truly felt and
The sick smell of death will soon be smelt
It is a laser beam

It will never be seen
And it's shit is far more
Flammable than gasoline

Make it so it hurts your face
And touch it
Spank it 'till it stinks
And touch it, baby

It is incapable of reasoning
This is the part where we sing

It's the Mighty Planet Laser
The cause for every scream
It is better then anything you've got
'Cause it's made out of a laser beam

Mighty Penis Laser (repeat)