Wrote a letter this mornin'
Put it in your hat
'Cause no one to read it
And I know you knew that
I bought a joke, a trick or two
Just to bring and show you
Caught ya with the trickster too
Sometimes I wonder how ya knew
A hypnotist, fancytalker
Ruben Remus ain't no doctor

I knew the man and tried to remember
Just where it was that I'd seen his face
Long ago, in a movie show
He was like that man singin' bass
Knew him by his nurs'ry rhyme
The Story Of The Rabbit Man
Fell right in and said to him
I'd like to help you if I can
I know the film would only shock ya
Ruben Remus ain't no doctor!

He only needed what you had
Asked for nothing more
Said he'd like to take you on
But it's been done before
You couldn't see he's a travelin' man
And he cannot take your hand
It's very hard to understand
Why his songs were never banned
Guess the man would never knock ya
Ruben Remus ain't no doctor!

No one seen ya since he's been gone
It's been a day, maybe more
I took a walk in your yard
And knocked on your back door
Why don't you let me in?
I'm not the man who did ya in
Is mr. Remus still your friend?
You say you don't remember him
Turn me down, would ya?
Well, I've got news for you
Turn me down would ya
Can't ya tell
I'm gonna change your mind before I'm trough