If you sit in a pot of dirt with nothin' to say - you're a cactus
If you spend all day starin' at the sun - you're a cactus
If you don't wanna get close so you wear a coat of pins - you're a cactus
If you keep your world barren like a desert - you're a cactus
If you have no face and need more space - you're a cactus
If you like to hide in the sand - you're a cactus
If you can't seem to get anything done - you're a cactus
If the company of tumbleweed is unexpected fun - you're a CACTUS!

If you fit in perfectly in an empty room - you're a cactus
If you hurt anyone who bumps into you - you're a cactus
If your social circle is you - you're a cactus
If you're referred to as "what" instead of "who" - you're a cactus
If your skin is green and you have no spleen - you're a cactus
If simple creatures think of you as mean - you're a cactus
If life-sucking weeds won't even go near ya - you're a cactus
And if balloons fear ya - you're a CACTUS!

If the world finds you abrasive - you're a cactus
If you're unique with a plain physique - you're a cactus
If you're full of wine and have no spine - you're a cactus
If you resemble a sleeping porcupine - you're a cactus
If no one wants to sit on your lap - you're a cactus
If you are full of, or considered a sap - you're a cactus...