Now handsome guys get girls that are pretty
Other guys get 'em 'cos they're clever and witty
But the only love I ever get, I get out of pity
'Cos I'm the ugliest man in town

I drive down the road in a Rolls Royce car
Use hundred dollar bills when I light my cigar
But still you know, that won't get you very far
When you're the ugliest man in town

There was a note on the doorstep where I was found
It said this sweet child weighs eleven pounds
So bring him up healthy and wealthy and stout
Keep his back to the light, don't let it turn around

Yeah all you women you're heartless and cold
All you want is my silver and gold
And don't you know that there's a beautiful soul
Inside the ugliest man in town

[Boy do I got plans for us]

Yeah I'm so ugly I shave in the dark
Kids start to cry when I walk through the park
Clocks stop ticking and dogs start to bark
Whenever I come around

Yeah I walk down the street and the girls all hiss me
If I die tomorrow not one of them would miss me
Only reason they ball me is they can't stand to kiss me
I'm the ugliest man in town

Yeah I'm the ugliest man in town

[You know a guy as ugly as you man could use a manager.
You know what I mean? Just sign this small piece of paper
here man. You can give me a couple of bucks a week, a couple
of free meals man. I'll take you all over the world. We'll
go to Japan baby, they'll love you over there baby.
They'll make another monster movie with you hahahaha]