E                           A
When you've had too much to drink
                E
there's certain things to keep in mind.
                                  A             B
Like when you find your hands and underarms are bleeding
                                            A
your beer bottle might not have a twist off cap
                              E 
and don't ever go home with a woman they call Moose or Vince
F#                                  B
And never bet that you can fit your head inside a glove compartment


A
Get drunk with dignity
E                                B
Keep in mind that just because a bulldog licks your face
       E
its not necessary to lick him back
A                                     E
Stay away from drinks with names like brain seizure or hippo laxative
B                   E
Get drunk with dignity
E                  A                  E
If a bar has human ears nailed to the walls don't pass out there
                                    A               B
and if your homemade jelly has some goldfish in it ------- you used the wrong bowl
A                              E
And there are phrases you must learn to avoid phrases like
F#                           B
"that badge looks stupid" and "I can prove these shoes are fireproof"
A                     E
Get drunk with dignity try not to drool on bikers
B                           E
Don't moon a nun unless you got a real good reason
A                        E
Don't get romantically involved with farm machinery
B                   E
Get drunk with dignity.