Early Sunday morning at a quarter past 4
Wayne-O cruises 'round by the liquor store
Taking pictures of the winos when they fall out the door
Send them to the mayor and begin the war
Wayne-O, you're the hero of the town!

Every Sunday morning at a quarter to 9
Richie Dick is picking up nickels and dimes
On the sidewalk, the junior scouts stand in a line
While their leader gives a lecture on how to fight crime
Dick, you've got to kick out all the shines!

Every Sunday evening at a quarter to 10
Gumper sniffs a whiff of General Tso's Chicken
"Ooo, those gooks across the street, well they're at it again!"
"I'm gonna firebomb that neon sign as soon as I can!"
Gumper, Bible-thumper 'til the end!