Em  B          C   D  Em         B       C         D
  I linger and gawp     when the council dig a big hole 
Em      B           C        D            Em               B         C    D  
  And I cheer for a corner – I don’t know why, they rarely lead to a goal.
G     D       Am      C    G       D       Am   C
 The greatest surface underfoot is springy turf
Em             B            C  D     Em     B         C     D
  Why does the winner of Mr Universe always come from Earth?
G   D      Am        C      G             D               Am    C
  I feel I should be more upset since you went to live in Delph
G             D       Am          C           Em          A        D      Em B C D   Em B C D
  I should be writing songs about you but I’m too wrapped up in myself.



Em     B   C          D     Em               B            C          D
  At DFS a job I have landed but I don’t get paid for the first five years
Em  B        C        D     Em  B           C        D
  TNS in The Blob mob-handed   according to what one hears.
G   D       Am     C     G      D     Am  C
 Outlandish rumour is my sport oyez, oyez
Em               B               C            D
  I’ve just seen Venglos in Rock Ferry buying energy drinks
Em     B            C D
  He’s deffo taking over.
G    D          Am       C            G           D        Am  C
 God knows I’ve tried to put you into verse but unfortunately
G        D        Am             C             Em  A       D      Em B C D (x4)
 When it comes to things such as this it’s all     me, me, me.



G  D         Am   C    G       D          Am      C            G
   You’re so beige – I bet you think this song’s about someone else 
D          Am C  G   D            Am           C        G     D     Am  C
Standard Liege – see how it all unfolds when I try to include you?



G      D       Am      C        G
  I’ll fit you in some day, somehow
  D        Am        C         G
A thousand words but not right now
     D         Am       C     G
I’ve got a few lines on Gerry Gow
      D            Am        C       G
I had three in one packet in Seventy-Eight
       D           Am        C       G
I went back to the shop in a manner irate
    D     Am             C               G
Newsagent said “Have you got a two pence piece?” 
        D              Am          C           G    D Am C   G D Am C   G D Am C  
I said “Yes”, he said “Go and ring someone who cares”.


   F                     C
As told to a boil on the cab driver’s neck
   F                     C                        Em B C D   Em B C D   Em B C D   Em
As told to a boil on the cab driver’s neck again.