Morning Reg, meat and two veg?
He done him with a ten pound sledge he done himself a favour crash

Forty year old housewife, Mrs. Elizabeth Walk of Lambeth Walk
Had a husband who was jubblified with only half a stalk
So she had a milk of magnesia and curry powder sandwich, half a pound of uncut pork
Took an overdose of Omo, this made the neighbours talk
Could have been watching Frankie Vaughan on the telly and giving herself a scratch

This is what we find
This is what we find
This is what we find
A sense of humour is required
Amongst the bacon rind

Hello, Brian, wash and iron?
Try it on, it's only nylon

Single bachelor with little dog, Tony Green of Turnham Green
Said, "Who's a clever boy, then, girl, yes you know whom I mean"
'Cos the mongrel laid a cable in the sandpit of the playground of the park where they had been
And with a bit of tissue, he wiped its bum-hole clean
A bit of claggy on the waggy

This is what we find
This is what we find
This is what we find
They must have had a funny time
On the Golden Hind

O vanitas vanitatum
Which of us is happy in this life?
Which of us has our desire, or having it, is gratified?

Hello, Mrs. Wood this boy looks familiar, they used to call him Robin Hood
Now he's robbin' fuckin' shit cunt

Home improvement expert Harold Hill of Harold Hill
Of do-it-yourself dexterity and double-glazing skill
Came home to find another gentleman's kippers in the grill
So sanded off his winkle with his Black and Decker drill

This is what we find
This is what we find
This is what we find
The hope that springs eternal
Springs right up your behind

This is what we find
This is what we find
This is what we find
This is what we find
This is what we find

This is what we find