[Verse:]
My mother was frightened by
A snoopy neighbor who poked his eye
Through mother's keyhole and that is why
I am what I am today
The man who looks through the keyholes along Broadway
My job is to be alert
And get the lowdown on all the dirt
The dirt that gathers on Broadway's skirt
For that's how I earn my pay
The man who looks through the keyholes along Broadway

[1st refrain:]
Would you like to take a look through a keyhole?
If you'd like to get the in on the latest bit of sin, have a look

Life is like an open book through a keyhole
If you wonder what occurs 'ere the lady gets her furs, have a look

Angry people who think they're tough
Start to threaten but that's a bluff
They may holler but they won't stuff up their keyhole

So come on and have a look through a keyhole
If you'd like to get a view, view of who is cheating who, have a look

[2nd refrain:]
So come on and have a look through a keyhole
If you want to see New York getting ready for the stork, have a look

Life is like an open book through a keyhole
If you want to get a load of the husband on the road, have a look

Lovely ladies of ev'ry kind
Think they're safe when they pull the blind
I see just what is on their mind through a keyhole

So come on and have a look through a keyhole
If you'd really like to know how she got into the show, have a look