Went downtown for a cup of tea
And I saw two skinheads looking at me
I gave 'em headbutts (x4)

Walking on the beach in a force-ten gale
And I saw three hippies saving a whale
(Oh, I hate bleedin' hippies! So...)
I gave 'em headbutts
(Now they've gone back to India to get their heads together!)
I gave 'em headbutts (x4)

Went to see me mum, she was drinking gin
But it's me old man's gin, so I kicked her in
I gave her headbutts (x4)

Lots of people in a line
Waitin' for a number nine
Well, not me, I don't
I walk right up to the front
"Excuse me, are you jumping the queue?"
"No, I'm...butting in!"

Went to the doctor's for a pill
"Why was that, feeling ill?"
No, I got an headache!
I got an headache!
Too many headbutts
Too many headbutts

Went to see a band called Shakin' Spear
I gave the singer the old King leer
"Where hast thou been?" he spat
I went "Oi mate - stitch that!"
I gave him headbutts (x4)

Got involved in a head-on collision
With a tanker driver that wondered what hit him
I went through my windscreen...
Through his windscreen...
(There might have been another one in between/
He had double glazing....)
(And what did I give him?)
I gave him a headbutt!
I gave him headbutts (x4)

Met this feller really into sport
Fifth-hand karate, you know the sort
"Cor, d'you give him headbutts?"
"Yeah - just like that!"
I gave him headbutts (x4)