The Beer

    Em             G               D             Em
the beer i had for breakfast was a bottle of mad dog
       G                D             Em
and my 20/20 vision was fifty percent off
                     G                  D                Em
you said punch-buggy red and punched me right in my left eye
                        G             D                Em
i said don't you mean pediddle? and i lit his house on fire

[Verse]
Em              G          D               Em
he came home on acid i was holding his shotgun
                        G           D            Em
i was dressed like tina turner in beyond thunder dome
                       G              D                  Em
he said don't shoot, i said i won't i love you you're my friend
                G              D           Em
i handed him my wig and shot myself in the head
                        G              D          Em
then i stuffed a box of tissues in the hole in my skull
            G           D            Em
i got in my mazda and i drove to the mall
                    G              D        Em
i got a big johnson shirt and some silicone tits
                      G                 D            Em
when i pulled out the tissues they were covered with shit

[Chorus]
        Em             G               D                  Em
and the beer i had for breakfast was a box of cheap white wine
                       G              D            Em
and the boom box on my shoulder was a box of clementines
                   G           D            Em
i ate every single one without noticing the mold
                         G               D               Em
you said you're gross my darling, i said no i'm rock and roll

[Verse]
Em              G          D         Em
even though i'd never ever been in a band
                    G      D           Em
i got cool as black ice tattooed on my hand
                           G              D             Em
and the christians gave me comic books as if i would be scared
              G               D       Em
of burning in hell well i was already there

[Chorus]
        Em             G                D             Em
and the beer i had for breakfast silver bullet in the brain
                       G           D               Em
and the beer i had for lunch was a bottle of night train
                       G             D                Em
and the beer i had for dinner was my crazy neighbor's pills
                      G                  D                Em
we had to sit down on skateboards jut to make it down the hill

[Bridge]
       Em      G             D                   Em
then i peed my pants and you stole the groom's cigar
                         G               D                  Em
and some old man made me watch him masturbate locked in his car
                        G                 D                Em
when i got back to the apartment you were face down on the floor
                     G                D      Em
you said don't go to bed yet let's go get a 64

[Chorus]
        Em                 G               D           Em
and the beer i had had for breakfast was a pint of jim beam
                     G                 D          Em
and a fifth of peach schnapps and some warm sunny d
                     G          D          Em
and you said bottoms up just as i bottomed out
                       G                 D              Em
i tried to scream fuck you but blood was pouring out my mouth

[Verse]
Em         G                D               Em
evan dando never planned on telling you the truth
                  G            D                Em
and your leonardo i.d. card is your fountain of youth
                 G             D             Em
you can be a teenager for your whole fucking life
                       G         D                    Em
just find some pretty sucker and make that bitch your wife
                   G                  D               Em
i guess by now you all know my friend danny broke his neck
                         G              D          Em
he was driving home from sirens when he got into a wreck
                  G       D                Em
first i cried for him and then i cried for me
               G            D              Em
haunted by the ghost of the girl i used to be
                   G         D          Em
but the rocks with holes are warm in my hands
                G           D       Em
and i buried my toes in the hot hot sand
                    G    D         Em
and the silver pink pony kisses me and says
                         G       D                        Em
you've come a long, long way and you deserve to be really happy