The school Christmas party is coming
We ain't doing rugby no more
McIntyre's teaching us waltzing
Out on the gymnasium floor
Out on the gymnasium floor

McIntyre's out of the army
You'll be slippered if you get it wrong
McIntyre's din looms loud in the gym
We've only got our little shorts on
We've only got our little shorts on

And it's one, two, three, two, two we're all a disgrace
McIntyre tore us apart
And we danced with ourselves, when we'd all found a space
Waltzing with fear in our hearts
Waltzing with fear in our hearts

Comes the day of the final maneuver, all of our heads are a whirl
It's Getting much closer to "D"-day
This time we're going to do it with girls
This time we're going to do it with girls

In the arena the ladies were are waiting
A twelve year partner to dance
Some matches were fixed, the rest of us mixed
And the fat girl got left at the side
The fat girl got left at the side.

And it's one, two, three, two, two we're all a disgrace
McIntyre tore us apart
And we danced with ourselves, when we'd all found a space
Waltzing with fear in our hearts
Waltzing with fear in our hearts

When you come to my fights, and I am under the lights
And you see that my footwork is false
Don't count me out, at the start of the bout
I'm just doing secondary waltz
Doing secondary waltz